Figuring it out

Expectations are everywhere, ones we have of ourselves, of others, and there are also expectations that we have to know what we want and to go after it with conviction. I have learned that it doesn’t always work that way. I recently parted ways with someone I care about.

We both hit a point in our relationship where our differences were magnified and the uncertainty of the outcome of our relationship became an issue and there couldn’t be a commitment to developing the relationship. A willingness to see where things go and to commit to growing regardless of what may or may not happen in the future.

And I realized that this is hard to do -to be vulnerable in this way and take the risk of getting hurt or losing someone you care about. Making decisions can be paralyzing in this day and age where we have all these options and think we need to make the perfect or correct decision that will make or break the image of who we think we are.

(I wrote a note to respect what we shared.)

Thank you for what we shared. We entered each other’s lives for a reason and you entered my life to remind me that I can try again. That I could ask for more and become more, more than what I thought I had planned or was suppose to be. Before we met I was scared of opening up my feelings to another person again, that I would lose myself completely, not be me and left broken. It reminded me that I have not shut my heart down and will not.

And I am ending this journey with you with such appreciation. That I am not broken but whole. You reminded me that I am a complete person. I hope you figure out what you want and wish you happiness because the time I spent with you helped me remember the little things, I forgot, that made me happy and to give that to myself again without waiting for permission.  I truly enjoyed and will cherish the time we spent together.

This connection reminded me that we are all figuring it out and sometimes we won’t know or ever know and to be kinder to ourselves even if we don’t know.

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